Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Compulsory Post

I'm just writing this entry because I promised myself I would write something today. I'm not gonna put any effort into it. I don't wanna give you the satisfaction. You bastards.

What's with the arbitrary hostility, you say? You would say that. You're so predictable. God, you make me sick.

Maybe I just learned that Diablo Cody is a year younger than me. And she's been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Screenplay. And she's had the privilege of working with Michael Cera. And she's physically attractive. Maybe that's what's eating me. Ya ever think of that, Einstein? Of course not.

You disgust me. Honestly, why do I even bother?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Advice to Britney

I try to shield myself from celebrity news as much as possible, but even I couldn't help but notice the torrent of advice being hurled at Britney Spears these days. It's become a virtual industry unto itself. I can only imagine that newspaper advice columns will be replaced with advice-for-Britney columns, and the self-help section in each bookstore will become the Britney-help section.

In the spirit of the age, I'd like to offer our favorite jailbait-popstar-turned-wastrel a little advice. Before I begin, I should mention that I have no training in psychology, psychiatry or holistic medicine, nor do I possess anything more than a vague understanding of her situation. Still, I feel she could use a heaping helping of my homespun wisdom to get her out of this raspberry jam.

No, I'm joking. The best thing I can offer Britney is some opprobrium for all the douchebags who are profiting off her misery and then have the unmitigated gall to give her advice. It strikes me as "odd" that the people who seem to have the most contempt for her are the same ones whose careers depend on her. I wouldn't go so far as to post a tearful screed on YouTube in her defense, but she's certainly more worthy of sympathy than those whose job it is to exploit her (and other celebrities') pain. I'm looking at you, TMZ.

(That was an odd post. Now I feel like I hafta make up for this one in the next post. I'll try and make sure the next one is either personal or profound or both.)